Do Not Throw Paper Towels Into the Toilet

So you’re sitting there, satisfied with your mild effort and savoring the sense of relief washing over every nerve of your body. You’re empty again, having given birth to a batch of brownies that would make the starchild baker offspring of Emeril and Rachael Ray study baking.

But as the narcotic pulse of relaxation melts you into the porcelin or plastic throne you’ve just filled with what was once an unbearable, heavy pressure against the walls of your bowels, I ask you to to resist.

Its Monday, and the fact that you bought a venti cappucino to spur your movement, doesn’t mean that the cleaning crew restocked the toilet paper in the stall that has been the scene of of your moment of clensing.

You have other options though. There are paper towels near the sink on the wall. Use them. But do not throw paper towels into the toilet